Who said we needed to balance everything?
I’ve always laughed at this line. “We have a great work/balance life here”. Really? You can help prioritize my personal life too. While that “benefit” has good intentions, it can’t keep my toddler from throwing tantrums in the morning or keep my husband from needing a ride to work because his car decided to not work.
The truth is work/life balance doesn’t exist and keeping the two separate is practically impossible. Yet, we make ourselves crazy trying to achieve it. For 100+ years, generations of women have fought to be equal along the way adding more to our own plates. We place intense pressure on ourselves to be 100% at our jobs and 100% at home promising complete balance. And if we don’t meet this unrealistic goal, we don’t feel like a productive part of society.
The question is – why? Why do we continue to meet an impossible appearance of perfection in our work life and personal life when our counter parts don’t? Why do we feel accomplished if we’re capable of working 16 hour days?
I’ve noticed this in my own life, feeling like I lost when I couldn’t check everything off my list. Like I’ve lost balance because I focused on one part of my life over the other. I had to ground myself so my daughter would know it’s okay to stop and smell the roses. Setting the grounds rules like the ones below can help.
- Turn it off: This means everything. Phone. TV. Any device in the house including Alexa giving you cooking directions. I follow this as much as I can (not perfect). When I’m home, I’m with family and we’re unplugged from the external world. Enjoying the few hours at night we have before our little one goes to bed. It may only be 2 to 3 hours but I cherish those the most.
- Slow down: I received some good advice from a podcast I listen to often. The moment you’re in right now is the best moment of your life. It took a second for that to sink in because I thought about moments like ripping my pants while at work. Not a proud moment. When I thought about this at a deeper level, it means it could be our last moment even if it’s a crappy one. That we should slow down and take in every moment like it’s our last. I keep this in mind when my daughter refuses to go to sleep, it’s 1 a.m. and I have a 9:00 a.m. meeting the next day. I may be exhausted but I do hold her closer.
- Stop with the guilt: Yes, stop it! It doesn’t matter if you’re meeting is running late, you’re running late to your meeting or you have to miss a family event. Work bleeds into home and home bleeds into work. It’s okay. Give yourself a break and remind yourself that things aren’t always in your control. Stop apologizing for it.
- Stop saying yes: I feel women always feel they have to say “yes” to everything. We want to please everyone. Our partners, kids, parents, bosses, friends, etc. We can’t say yes to everyone so don’t. It’s okay to have quiet time for yourself or not want to go to that after work thing.
Let’s stop trying to create a “balance”. Instead, just be present. Be present when you’re at work and be present when you’re with your family. Make the most of each moment.